Making the right choices in life without Regrets
As we grew older, we were surrounded by dilemmas, problems in life, challenges in life, loadsa decisions to make without regrets, relationship, marriage, family problems and blah blah. I just hate to grow up, I really do.. Looking at the kids by the road side or everywhere i go, looking at their happy faces enjoying their childhood life as much as they could makes me missed my childhood life terribly and don't feel like growing up at all..
Time passes by too fast I must say.. Looking through what i've done back then, it makes me think if i did the right thing or not as in coming down to kl, left my parents behind, left the peaceful life in Kota Bharu just to continue with my studies after being left behind for 3 years.. I've been thinking days and nites for the action i've taken and the consequences that i have to bare in future like looking at people's dark and black face when i asked money from them (my school fees), hearing unpleasant words that came out from people's mouth which never seem to be pleasant at all.. mostly it ended up hurting my feelings more cause my parent have to bare with it..
"You are wasting your time, You will be wasting money and You won't make it!" This is the words that motivates me to study harder, not to screw things up and make sure i did it with flying colours to show them and to make their fucking mouth to shut the fucking up.. Looking through my jobs 3 years ago with the salary of 500 bucks that i've earned is totally nothing even though i have free acommodation, free foods and free shelther but then how long can this last i wondered.. My cousin sister which is my ex boss claims that i will be one of the company's share holder, i will be send off to Kuantan to learn the cabinet design skills and i won't be having a hard time at all if i follow her footstep.. This is all RUBBISH n BULLSHITS.. She only say that when i quit to continue studies.. This had make my aunt who dislikes me so much think that i am such and idiotic fool not to cherish the "Gold Mountain" in front of me and instead of that i would prefer the difficult and miserable path that i've choosed..
If i'm rich, problems like this wouldn't occured but i always glad that my parents had supported what i did from the starting until today.. Indeed i can see that mummy and daddy are quite proud of my achievements.. I always tell myself.. "Yee, work harder, show them that you are capable, make ur daddy and mummy proud n don't care of what others said." but i just can't do it as in don't care of what others said, whenever my aunt start saying something not really good about me.. i will be worried, not able to sleep well and start to think too much.. Hmmm.. Recently i just finished my diploma.. FINALLY!! I planned to continue with degree but it seemed that everyone not really approve of what i am doing since i am not that young anymore.. According to them, "She will get married by the time she grad" that means indicating i am not young anymore. "She's an award winner student?? So?? She should start working, take the award certificate to go and find job and i am sure there will be company who will hire her" quoted from what my aunt said after complaining about me and hearing what my brother said, trying to explain things in a better way for my side.. See!! Win an award or not it doesn't seemed to be matter for them, i just want to be the best and show them that i can make it.
I've wasted one semester and which means i still have 2 years to go to complete my degree.. Degree or work?? That is what bothers me so much recently.. Everyone seemed to support me all the way and all the decisions i've made including mummy.. Mummy hope that i will continue no matter what as a security for myself in future.. It's 21 century, women have to work today to give them a self security and not to rely fully on men which with be the potential husband.. The thing that bothers me so much is if going on with studies and hearing bad words that came out from people's mouth for another 1.5 years - 2 years, can i still bare it or not.. Hmm i should go on right?? I've came this far and why do i want to give up now right?? Hmm i just don't know what else is the right thing for me.. If i've make the right choice or not??
Another thing is, my darling cc will be going back to Kelantan soon, to expend his family business.. How he touches my heart so much is, after he called off the relationship, he asked me that he sincerely hope that i will follow him back to Kelantan but then I am in the middle path of my journey and i haven't suceeded yet and on the other way, i just don't want to loose him cause i loved him so hard and so much.. Is it fated to be like this?? I need to make up my mind if i am willing to settle down with him in Kelantan but then i haven't complete my homework yet, haven't submit my "report" to them yet and i don't think they will shut their fucking mouth up and they sure have loadsa things to say if i choose to go back with cc.. I want to settle down with him but not now and not in Kelantan.. So how??
I wonder why is all this happening to me at the same time.. Sobz.. :( I just hated my life so much.. I just don't want to grow up and i don't want to make any decisions anymore..
Time passes by too fast I must say.. Looking through what i've done back then, it makes me think if i did the right thing or not as in coming down to kl, left my parents behind, left the peaceful life in Kota Bharu just to continue with my studies after being left behind for 3 years.. I've been thinking days and nites for the action i've taken and the consequences that i have to bare in future like looking at people's dark and black face when i asked money from them (my school fees), hearing unpleasant words that came out from people's mouth which never seem to be pleasant at all.. mostly it ended up hurting my feelings more cause my parent have to bare with it..
"You are wasting your time, You will be wasting money and You won't make it!" This is the words that motivates me to study harder, not to screw things up and make sure i did it with flying colours to show them and to make their fucking mouth to shut the fucking up.. Looking through my jobs 3 years ago with the salary of 500 bucks that i've earned is totally nothing even though i have free acommodation, free foods and free shelther but then how long can this last i wondered.. My cousin sister which is my ex boss claims that i will be one of the company's share holder, i will be send off to Kuantan to learn the cabinet design skills and i won't be having a hard time at all if i follow her footstep.. This is all RUBBISH n BULLSHITS.. She only say that when i quit to continue studies.. This had make my aunt who dislikes me so much think that i am such and idiotic fool not to cherish the "Gold Mountain" in front of me and instead of that i would prefer the difficult and miserable path that i've choosed..
If i'm rich, problems like this wouldn't occured but i always glad that my parents had supported what i did from the starting until today.. Indeed i can see that mummy and daddy are quite proud of my achievements.. I always tell myself.. "Yee, work harder, show them that you are capable, make ur daddy and mummy proud n don't care of what others said." but i just can't do it as in don't care of what others said, whenever my aunt start saying something not really good about me.. i will be worried, not able to sleep well and start to think too much.. Hmmm.. Recently i just finished my diploma.. FINALLY!! I planned to continue with degree but it seemed that everyone not really approve of what i am doing since i am not that young anymore.. According to them, "She will get married by the time she grad" that means indicating i am not young anymore. "She's an award winner student?? So?? She should start working, take the award certificate to go and find job and i am sure there will be company who will hire her" quoted from what my aunt said after complaining about me and hearing what my brother said, trying to explain things in a better way for my side.. See!! Win an award or not it doesn't seemed to be matter for them, i just want to be the best and show them that i can make it.
I've wasted one semester and which means i still have 2 years to go to complete my degree.. Degree or work?? That is what bothers me so much recently.. Everyone seemed to support me all the way and all the decisions i've made including mummy.. Mummy hope that i will continue no matter what as a security for myself in future.. It's 21 century, women have to work today to give them a self security and not to rely fully on men which with be the potential husband.. The thing that bothers me so much is if going on with studies and hearing bad words that came out from people's mouth for another 1.5 years - 2 years, can i still bare it or not.. Hmm i should go on right?? I've came this far and why do i want to give up now right?? Hmm i just don't know what else is the right thing for me.. If i've make the right choice or not??
Another thing is, my darling cc will be going back to Kelantan soon, to expend his family business.. How he touches my heart so much is, after he called off the relationship, he asked me that he sincerely hope that i will follow him back to Kelantan but then I am in the middle path of my journey and i haven't suceeded yet and on the other way, i just don't want to loose him cause i loved him so hard and so much.. Is it fated to be like this?? I need to make up my mind if i am willing to settle down with him in Kelantan but then i haven't complete my homework yet, haven't submit my "report" to them yet and i don't think they will shut their fucking mouth up and they sure have loadsa things to say if i choose to go back with cc.. I want to settle down with him but not now and not in Kelantan.. So how??
I wonder why is all this happening to me at the same time.. Sobz.. :( I just hated my life so much.. I just don't want to grow up and i don't want to make any decisions anymore..
Comments
I understand your dilemma and you know I will support ya no matter what is your decision.Do what you want, not what people want. Whether you choose to study or go back to KB with CC, it doesn't matter what other people says, its what you want in your life. Whatever your decision is, don't regret with it.