In the end

It's finally over, I mean OVER!

I am glad.. so GLAD..

I was tired.. Really I am.. way TOO TIRED..

With all the nuisance and crazy-ness which had been going around been driving me up to the wall, driving me completely nuts and getting me out of my nerves each time when i think about what actually happens it's really not worth it.. I was acting very stupidly that time..

4 months long.. that's pretty long isn't it.. Think about what i've been doing and how I reacted and handle through the issues emotionally and mentally to be frank i had been abit over-reacted for everything but hey come on.. i am a girl.. i should be giving the same reaction what other girls might be giving out right.. well what do you guys want me to do?? Control that i am macho like guys that i am ok about the whole thing?? Nah.. that is just not me.. It's like pretending and trying to be cool infront of others when deep down inside i am just suffering badly without anyone knowing how i actually felt.

I should learn to let go and lead to a life that i wanted and for fuck's sake FINISHED UP MY FUCKING ASSIGNMENTS and get my bloody degree cert!! I've been very lazy lately and using the problems as the reason for not performing well in my semester is totally LAME and unacceptable reason not to perform well and failed my semesters.

Darn.. i am just not in the mood to do anything.. i've been letting the emotional side of me conquers me for so many months.. That isn't me as i've been very strong all this while..I can handle shits like this very well at most of the time and mostly, i mean free from emotionally contact but i am not too sure what had happened to me.. Oh lord.. oh lord..

The love birds finally got together where hero managed to made heroine choosed him over her current bf who is far away.. and they had been announcing to everyone and seek for everyone's blessing.. is that even necessary?? bah.. attention seekers.. Whatever..

Including mine.. i am seriously glad that they finally got together despite of how i used to worry if the heroine might be using the hero just to fulfill her emptiness, loneliness and horniness(eehehe this is what i simply added to make it so more dramatic) and my attempt of being mr hero's close friend after we broke up seemed to be a very stupid thing to do.. I keep on trying to make him see that she is using him but then he doesnt seemed to care because he found someone who actually say yes to marry him and settle down with him.

Before he decides to go after her, he had done his homework finding out if she will be the type of girl follows where her hubby go and she said yes and that is why he goes further.. all for the name of Love.. hmmm abit ironic isn't it.. Where is the love?? where is the love??

Well many of you may think.. why don't you just agree to settle down and go back with him a s a p and now he found a girl who is willing to do so and you still wanna make a big fuss about it? well people i don't anymore because i felt that this couple thingy is just because of desperation first hero's desperate attempt to get married had been universally known because of his parents are getting older.. understandable and heroine said she don't want to follow her parents footstep into broken marriage if she marries her current bf because current bf doesn't treat her well, cannot accept her family, look down on her family, hate her family and she basically tired of doing everything alone whereas hero (my ex) knows how to pampers her, knows how to sayang her and can accept her for who she is and can accept her family's condition of her mother had been paralyzed for years..

I was thinking.. is that a good reason why she accepts him?? waitaminute.. i thought it is supposed to be for the name of love.. well what i predicted at the first place is right.. USING would be the right term.. Bah.. who cares anyway.. The love birds had been annoucing their relationship and seeking for everyone's blessings.. is that even necessary to do?? ever since he moved out it had been very hard for me to see him.. even for a casual dinner and meal all i get is excuses and blames that i pushed him too hard and he doesn't even have any space.. but when he need help.. he will straight away look for me.. and i help him without hesitation because i admit it i do want to see him.. i still missed him anyway.. no more sms.. no more spontaenous msn messages until they got hooked.. he smsed me good morning.. i felt weird.. so early.. i did not reply and i log on into msn in office he was the first one to say good morning too.. i felt weird again because normally he doesn't.. then we start to chat on something else and then he goes

Hero : hey since i've promised u.. i gonna tell you this..
Me : Promised what (because i tot he gonna fulfill one of his empty promises that he made for ages)
Hero : we got hooked up last night

That is how he broke the news to me.. haha.. i really don't know what should i say about it.. do i laugh or upset.. i am confused but since they both want to be together.. just go ahead.. i am ready to let things go and forget about a friend like him because of what he did.. and gf doesn't likes him to keep in touch with me because of once he helped me and he announced it to the world that he has to cancel the date because of friend needed help (that time they weren't a couple yet only goes out for dating) and she scolded him.. complaint to the group of friends that we used to hang out with.. and everyone boycott me saying i shouldn't call him and should stop going between two of them.. fuck.. and now they are together.. so should i still get for his help?? of course not right?? else i will put myself into stupid issues again and i will cry again and maybe u guys have to lend me shoulders to cry on..

This is the reason why i hardly blog anymore.. i don't know how to express myself.. well that's all folks