You are the writer and creator of your life, path & destiny
When things screw up.. doesn't work out exactly like what you are hoping for.. go against your will and your destiny.. you will start asking, bombarding and fug your brains out asking yourself:
"Why is this happening to me??"
"Why didn't i listen....??"
"I should have listen..."
"I should have done this..."
"I should have done that..."
& the list and blaming yourself goes on flowing like the yellow river "Huang He (河), " in China..
Well life is always about trial and error.. without trial, error and effort you will never learn from mistakes and you will never grow.. eventually by going through the trial and error is the best way of learning, choosing and deciding what's the best for you.. cause you are the one who decides what and how you want your life to be.. No one else but yourself..
Who wants a screwed up life and destiny?? No one does...
Who doesn't want a good life?? To have stable life, stable and successful career path, stable financial arrangement and to have someone to love you?? Who on earth will say not to that?? I wouldn't.. cause that's what i am still fighting for and hoping that i will achieve all this soon.. Only time will decide and tell and of course depending on how much i want this to happen and how hard will i fight and work my arse out towards achieving this..
These are the questions, thoughts that will constantly rewind, playing and fugging in my mind whenever shit happens!!!
I picked this line "Even you'd said it's never, i'll still try.. Ta da!!".. from a friend's FB.. Someone I've met recently throught Edwin.. Joanne Choo.. She's a great girl.. tell you what.. Jo is a tough cookie and she also reminds me of myself even when i constantly have people telling me or pre-empting me "never do this... never do that... it'll never work out... & blah blah blah" but... the stubborn, anxiety gene and my adrenaline rushing kicking telling me...
"Bev.. prove them wrong.. you can do it.. "never say never"... whether it works out or not.. at least you've tried and work hard towards it.." That's what I've been doing.. At times.. i felt like running like a bull and "smash" myself against thick wall (like the great wall of china) fell and feel the pain bluntly.. It is good to listen sometimes.. to take advise as guide and ideally.. being stubborn like me is never a good idea and good news to begin with.. That's also the reason why i tend to drive my close ones up the wall with my stuborness x (infinity)..
Imagine if i keep listening to what people been telling me and reminding me.. being paranoid and being too cautious about what's the outcome and consequences is.. I've would not learnt and be here for who i am today (looking at the past 10 years ago.. i am suprised with my own "Fighter" spirit and i am not sure if i have the energy to do this ever again).. I'd would not meet the wonderful people who i cherish and love whole-heartedly even i have constantly been reminded not to go near to some people but i choose not to listen.. Whatever the outcome of my life is.. this is the decision that I've made and chosen with no regrets and no expectations.. That's the ideal way and expectation because ::"Unrealistic expectations are planned resentments"::
Though things are not working that well lately and accordingly to what I've expected but for some things i will just leave it to the hand of the "Big Brother" up there to decide.. If it is meant to happen it will.. If not.. life goes on.. At least i am still surrounded by the wonderful people who still treats me right and love me.. Whether they are sincere or not.. i wouldn't know..I seriously can't differentiate anymore.. Like how Fran and alot other people always reminding me not to be "too nice" and "too kind" and it is ok to be "bitchy" sometimes and know where you stand and know when is the right time to put your foot down.. it is not easy.. cause it is not my nature to be "bitchy" cause probably i am either too naive or plainly "stupid" to believe that "treat others right" and "they will treat you right".. apparently things doesn't happen this way at all.. "treat others right" and "they will take you for granted" and "bite you from the back" to be exact..
Oh well... the reason why i wrote this long winded "what's new" post is not that i am complaining like a sore loser... i am just feeling jaded and tired of facing all this all over again and again and i just want to express myself cause i don't usually express myself easily in real life.. (Externally i may look like a tough confident cookie who always carries big smile everywhere i go but deep down inside.. i am forever soft hearted like jello.. and keeping everything to myself is what i do the best and this is not healthy at all)..it's beginning to look so familiar now.. it's more of "Deja Vu" cause I've experiencing the same experience again for the 2nd time.. history is repeating.... all i need now is a simple and happy life with no drama..hmmm that's rather impossible cause whenever i tell myself that..(i will not do this and that.. i will not meet or go near to people like this ever again.. i will not want this to happen again... i will not.. this and that..) It will happen instantly without you expecting it because this is the law of attraction.. by not able to let go of the past and constantly thinking about the past all over again and again is when you are subconsciously sending all the negative signals to the universe and the universe answered my signals and ta daaa.. history repeats all over again like a vicious cycle.. (Applying the theory of Law of attraction which is so true.. Thanks to Eric who never fails to remind me to check out The Secret video cause he is damn sure that i've not finish watching the video because he is hearing the same prob from me again after 1 year)
That's why i seriously need to learn to let go and forget.. Think of what will makes me happy (my family, my loved ones.. my friends..) I shouldn't be whinning like a loser on why can't i have good life like what others have (it seem so easy for most people but why not me??).. What i should do now is.. don't expect too much and live your life to the fullest.. Since my life is fated to be in such way to fight for what i want.. obviously nothing should kill me and distract my faith, passion, spirit and concentration...
but hey.. i am a human being and this is practically normal to being "emo" and "down" over this once in a while?? ya??
Anyway.. again i will leave it to the hand of the "Big Brother" up there to decide.. all i need to do now is stay focus on my career and believe in myself, love myself and hoping that good things will come into my life and path real soon.. All i need to do now is to geared up and be strong to let go of the past (tho it is killin' me big time whenever I've try my best to let go.. and move on..something will eventually happen and kill off my plan).. I seriously need to move on in order to start a new path and journey to the life that I've always wanted.. Sigh.. i am feeling a bit *down* and *emo* again for no reason.. I think it's my PMS mode...
All i need now is some warm huggles that will keep my unpleasant and unhappy thoughts away.. Anyone out there??? Hmmmm???
"Why is this happening to me??"
"Why didn't i listen....??"
"I should have listen..."
"I should have done this..."
"I should have done that..."
& the list and blaming yourself goes on flowing like the yellow river "Huang He (河), " in China..
Well life is always about trial and error.. without trial, error and effort you will never learn from mistakes and you will never grow.. eventually by going through the trial and error is the best way of learning, choosing and deciding what's the best for you.. cause you are the one who decides what and how you want your life to be.. No one else but yourself..
Who wants a screwed up life and destiny?? No one does...
Who doesn't want a good life?? To have stable life, stable and successful career path, stable financial arrangement and to have someone to love you?? Who on earth will say not to that?? I wouldn't.. cause that's what i am still fighting for and hoping that i will achieve all this soon.. Only time will decide and tell and of course depending on how much i want this to happen and how hard will i fight and work my arse out towards achieving this..
These are the questions, thoughts that will constantly rewind, playing and fugging in my mind whenever shit happens!!!
I picked this line "Even you'd said it's never, i'll still try.. Ta da!!".. from a friend's FB.. Someone I've met recently throught Edwin.. Joanne Choo.. She's a great girl.. tell you what.. Jo is a tough cookie and she also reminds me of myself even when i constantly have people telling me or pre-empting me "never do this... never do that... it'll never work out... & blah blah blah" but... the stubborn, anxiety gene and my adrenaline rushing kicking telling me...
"Bev.. prove them wrong.. you can do it.. "never say never"... whether it works out or not.. at least you've tried and work hard towards it.." That's what I've been doing.. At times.. i felt like running like a bull and "smash" myself against thick wall (like the great wall of china) fell and feel the pain bluntly.. It is good to listen sometimes.. to take advise as guide and ideally.. being stubborn like me is never a good idea and good news to begin with.. That's also the reason why i tend to drive my close ones up the wall with my stuborness x (infinity)..
Imagine if i keep listening to what people been telling me and reminding me.. being paranoid and being too cautious about what's the outcome and consequences is.. I've would not learnt and be here for who i am today (looking at the past 10 years ago.. i am suprised with my own "Fighter" spirit and i am not sure if i have the energy to do this ever again).. I'd would not meet the wonderful people who i cherish and love whole-heartedly even i have constantly been reminded not to go near to some people but i choose not to listen.. Whatever the outcome of my life is.. this is the decision that I've made and chosen with no regrets and no expectations.. That's the ideal way and expectation because ::"Unrealistic expectations are planned resentments"::
Though things are not working that well lately and accordingly to what I've expected but for some things i will just leave it to the hand of the "Big Brother" up there to decide.. If it is meant to happen it will.. If not.. life goes on.. At least i am still surrounded by the wonderful people who still treats me right and love me.. Whether they are sincere or not.. i wouldn't know..I seriously can't differentiate anymore.. Like how Fran and alot other people always reminding me not to be "too nice" and "too kind" and it is ok to be "bitchy" sometimes and know where you stand and know when is the right time to put your foot down.. it is not easy.. cause it is not my nature to be "bitchy" cause probably i am either too naive or plainly "stupid" to believe that "treat others right" and "they will treat you right".. apparently things doesn't happen this way at all.. "treat others right" and "they will take you for granted" and "bite you from the back" to be exact..
Oh well... the reason why i wrote this long winded "what's new" post is not that i am complaining like a sore loser... i am just feeling jaded and tired of facing all this all over again and again and i just want to express myself cause i don't usually express myself easily in real life.. (Externally i may look like a tough confident cookie who always carries big smile everywhere i go but deep down inside.. i am forever soft hearted like jello.. and keeping everything to myself is what i do the best and this is not healthy at all)..it's beginning to look so familiar now.. it's more of "Deja Vu" cause I've experiencing the same experience again for the 2nd time.. history is repeating.... all i need now is a simple and happy life with no drama..hmmm that's rather impossible cause whenever i tell myself that..(i will not do this and that.. i will not meet or go near to people like this ever again.. i will not want this to happen again... i will not.. this and that..) It will happen instantly without you expecting it because this is the law of attraction.. by not able to let go of the past and constantly thinking about the past all over again and again is when you are subconsciously sending all the negative signals to the universe and the universe answered my signals and ta daaa.. history repeats all over again like a vicious cycle.. (Applying the theory of Law of attraction which is so true.. Thanks to Eric who never fails to remind me to check out The Secret video cause he is damn sure that i've not finish watching the video because he is hearing the same prob from me again after 1 year)
That's why i seriously need to learn to let go and forget.. Think of what will makes me happy (my family, my loved ones.. my friends..) I shouldn't be whinning like a loser on why can't i have good life like what others have (it seem so easy for most people but why not me??).. What i should do now is.. don't expect too much and live your life to the fullest.. Since my life is fated to be in such way to fight for what i want.. obviously nothing should kill me and distract my faith, passion, spirit and concentration...
but hey.. i am a human being and this is practically normal to being "emo" and "down" over this once in a while?? ya??
Anyway.. again i will leave it to the hand of the "Big Brother" up there to decide.. all i need to do now is stay focus on my career and believe in myself, love myself and hoping that good things will come into my life and path real soon.. All i need to do now is to geared up and be strong to let go of the past (tho it is killin' me big time whenever I've try my best to let go.. and move on..something will eventually happen and kill off my plan).. I seriously need to move on in order to start a new path and journey to the life that I've always wanted.. Sigh.. i am feeling a bit *down* and *emo* again for no reason.. I think it's my PMS mode...
All i need now is some warm huggles that will keep my unpleasant and unhappy thoughts away.. Anyone out there??? Hmmmm???
Comments
What's wrong?
Do you want to catch up to tell me what happened or want to do it over the phone or msn. Take it easy, chill & don't stress yourself out. I am just a phone call/ sms away.
Hugs